I love you when it's humid,
    I love you when it's dry.
I love you when you say the weather makes you want to die.
    I love you with your clothes on,
    I love you in the nude.
I love you when you step outside and come back home with food.

            shampoo shampoo
            kung fu kung fu
            rice stew rice stew
            bamboo bamboo

This is a poem of planting bamboo.
        bamboo bamboo
        shampoo shampoo
Listen to me and you'll know what to do.
        kung fu kung fu
        rice stew rice stew

First, wash your hair with some fancy shampoo.
        shampoo shampoo
        kung fu kung fu
Massage it it in so you're clean through and through.
        rice stew rice stew
        bamboo bamboo

Then, dress yourself in your clothes for kung fu.
        kung fu kung fu
        rice stew rice stew
Clench up your fists and you'll know what to do.
        bamboo bamboo
        shampoo shampoo

Next, cook a breakfast of steamy rice stew.
        rice stew rice stew
        bamboo bamboo
Drink it down slowly; it's best not to chew.
        shampoo shampoo
        kung fu kung fu

Then you'll be ready to plant your bamboo.
        bamboo bamboo
        shampoo shampoo
I hope for your sake that the sky will be blue.
        kung fu kung fu
        rice stew rice stew

                shampoo shampoo
                kung fu kung fu
                rice stew rice stew
                bamboo bamboo         

    A hundred cream-buns on a heater -
    the image reminds me of Peter
            who, standing nearby
            would not even try
    but prove undeniably sweeter.

(Inspired by the recent work of Professor Stephanie Trigg.)

    King Edward, while out a bar,
    caught hold of a duchess's bra
            then - using the aid
            of someone he paid -
    he donned it, and breathed "Honi Soit..."

        I honestly haven't a clue
        where I'd be, if it wasn't for Hugh,
                whose starjumps are so
                alluring and slow
        that I can't help doing them too...