A lady in red
        stepped towards me and said
                "I really don't know what to do.
        My beautiful Ted
        who was born with one head
                has suddenly got twenty-two!

        Was it something I said?
        Or what he was fed?
                I need to blame someone, but who?
        I think that instead
        I'll put him to bed
                and go and pick out something new.

        (For what girl will wed
        that monster I've bred?
                Nobody! Now, isn't that true?
        But if he just bled
        until he was dead -
                I'm sure I'd find someone to sue!")

        Desolate James liked to play silly games
            like "dress up the bucket"
            or "see it and suck it."
                    He struggled to make new friends.

        One sunny day he decided to play
            "wear your nice blazer
            and swallow a razor" -
                    and that's how this story ends.